Finding the Right in a World Full of Wrong

I know I have talked a lot over the last few months about the many trials that myself and my family have faced. I know after all I have endured, I need to stand tall and stand strong, come what may.

As I reflect on what I need to do in my life to be a better woman, wife, mother, friend, sister and daughter, I first understand that I need to find peace with myself. I feel at times that my life is lacking and I know why. Not going to church will certainly make one feel that way. I neglected going for the last few months for what I thought was a good reason, that being because of my heart and the surgery. There is no good reason. What I should have done was get my butt up and ask for help in order to get me there. I don't want to be misleading but since we moved to Vegas, being active was not always on the top of our list. I, at most times, feel that moving to Vegas was the biggest mistake of my life. If we had not have moved to Vegas, we more than likely would have not gone inactive, nor would we have had the trials we have had for letting the world overcome us. I very much dislike Vegas and all of the wrong that it has brought to us, however I know the place is not entirely to blame. I found the wrong in the world and let it overtake my life and my family. I did this and now I have to fix it.

I know what the right is. I have never doubted it since I first came to know the truth and to gain a testimony. Instead of doubting it, I forgot it. I am not sure which is worse, but I imagine that both will produce the same end result: regret. I have a lot of regret and I have a lot of time to make up for.

I missed the first 2 Sundays this year but have gone the last two weeks. I can't say that it has been easy to go at it alone but I know if I stay on the path that God has laid out for me, I will be better for it. My boys need me to teach them the way and I cannot do it if all I do is wrong.

Noah is a sunbeam now and he is learning so fast. It was a hard transition for him to go from the nursery to a classroom setting but he is trying hard. His example of trying inspires me. He loves to say bedtime prayer with me and he loves to tell me after church what he learned in his class. Today he learned about choosing the right. He told me today that choosing the right meant that he needs to make good choices. WOW...WHAT A REVELATION! My soon to be 4 year old son has opened my eyes. CHOOSE THE RIGHT.....I need to find the right in this world full of wrong.

"Life's journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say, 'No,' the courage to say, 'Yes,' Decisions do determine destiny. The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. It has ever been so, and so shall it ever be." -Thomas S. Monson

A Year in Review

2011 brought a lot of ups and downs, tears and triumphs, hope and healing, love and challenges.


The year started off with me being pregnant and looking forward to and preparing for Baby #2 to arrive. Noah turned 3 years old on January 31st. Noah has grown so much and is so very smart.


Several months before having Baby #2, we starting looking at purchasing our first house in Las Vegas. We finally found a home we loved and put in an offer. Kolsen Briggs Collis was born on May 22nd. What a treat he became to our family! We actually closed on our home the day after I had Kolsen and signed our closing papers while still in the hospital. 


On July 11th, Josh and I celebrated our 11th Anniversary. So hard to believe it has been that long. After 11 years and 2 kids later, we are still keeping on!


Several months later I found out I need to have heart surgery yet again...for the 4th time! I got through it with the help of my hubby and mother-in-law, and with my boys giving me the will to get through it.


Some relationships grew, faltered and grew some more, leaving open wounds and lots of scars, but all the while bringing insight to the core of those relationships.


2011 brought several new journeys, taught valuable lessons and gave me so much to appreciate. I am hoping 2012 does the same.

Giving Thanks

I have seen this going around Facebook so I thought I would implement it into my blog and update it every day.

What are you thankful for? Every day this month in honor of Thanksgiving, post what you are thankful for.

Day 1: I am thankful for my husband. Despite our ups and downs, he is my eternal companion and I love him more than I can express.


Day 2: I am thankful for my two wonderful little boys. Noah and Kolsen are very different in their personalities which is why I love them so much.  They make my life complete and I can't imagine a life without them in it. 


Day 3: I am thankful for all things church related. My Heavenly Father, my Savior, my church family, the gospel and for the joy they all bring to my life.  I am certainly very blessed to know the gospel and for it to be implemented into my life.


Day 4: I'm thankful for my family, my little family and extended family, and my in-law family. They have given me so much love and support and I couldn't ask for a better family.


Day 5: I'm thankful for the scenery of the earth, for mountains, rain, snow and sunshine. We took a road trip to Beatty, Nevada and ran into rain and saw lots of snow on the mountains. We were able to capture some magnificent sights.


Day 6:  I am thankful for learning and teaching. I taught Noah how to fold laundry today and he had so much fun. I gave him several items to fold and left him alone with them. When I came back to check on him, he had folded everything correctly. I'm so proud of him for wanting to learn, for learning, and that I am able to teach him.


Day 7: I am thankful for music. There is always a way to express yourself through music. For me, there is always a song that I can find that either makes me feel better or corresponds to an event in my life. For that, I am thankful.


Day 8: I am thankful for technology. Computers, phones, TV, etc., what did we ever do without these things?!  I love that I can keep in touch with all my family and friends that I wouldn't normally be able to stay in touch with, without the help of technology.


Day 9: I am thankful for movies, whether it be a feel good movie, suspense, drama, period film, family movie, or fantasy.  I love movies!!!


Day 10: Today I am thankful for love. The love of a child, a spouse, a family member, a friend: there are all kinds of love. Unconditional love is never ending and I love that I can love and be loved in return.


Day 11: I am thankful for my mother-in-law, Candy. She came out to Vegas for my heart surgery and helped me out with my boys when I was not able. She went home today and I am thankful for her help and support.


Day 12: I am thankful for having a home of my own. We bought a house and moved in 2 days after Kolsen was born in May 2011.  It is nice to be able to paint and personalize our home to our liking. We still have a lot that we want to do to our home but since it's our home, we can do it in baby steps. What a great investment! 


Day 13: Today, I am thankful for my health. Despite the fact that I have an abnormal heart, I could be a lot worse off than I am.


Day 14: Today, I am thankful for my job. I have such a great job that I love and I love my boss and the girls I work with. I couldn't ask for a better work family.


Day 15: Today, I am thankful for medications when they are truly needed.


Day 16: Today, I am thankful for the fall season, for the leaves that turn colors and the cool down of Vegas' hot temperatures.


Day 17: I am thankful for smiles, especially the smiles of those who instantly make me feel better, especially the smiles of my two boys. 


Day 18: I am thankful for laughter. As the saying goes, laughter is the best medicine.


Day 19: I am thankful for "me" time. I don't always get time to myself but when I do, I make each minute count.


Day 20: I am thankful for naps. I don't always get naps and when I do they are short but they make me feel so refreshed.


Day 21: I am thankful for shower's. After my surgery and not being able to take a shower for 3 weeks, I forgot how much I love the convenience of a nice hot shower. Don't get me wrong, baths are wonderful, but not everyday.


Day 22: I am thankful for the health of my children. Both of my boys are happy and healthy and such a blessing.


Day 23: I am thankful for the conveniences of living in Vegas. No matter what you need, you can get it at almost any time of the day or/night.


Day 24: I am thankful for all  my many blessing and for everything there is to be thankful for. I am truly a blessed woman.

Reflection

While watching yesterday's IndyCar race, we saw a horrible crash which took the life of one driver, Dan Wheldon. He left behind his wife and two sons, 2 year old Sebastian and 7 month old Oliver. It was so very sad to see the events unfold. Such a tragedy makes one reflect on their own life and serves as a reminder that life is short and precious.

With my surgery coming up in about 10 days, it made me reflect on my life and how quickly life can be taken in an instant. Since I have had children, I've always worried "what if something happened to me?" This worry only just intensified with yesterday's event. I hope and pray everything goes well with surgery so I can continue to cherish precious moments with my children and family.

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." ~Abraham Lincoln

I Could Not Ask for More

There is nothing I love more than my two little boys and their cute little faces.

Noah: Some of the things Noah does at his age amaze me. He is so smart for a 3 year old.  He knows his ABC's and can correctly identify each letter, upper and lower case. He can also count to 20, although sometimes he says his numbers out of order after 13.  Every night with Noah, Josh and I alternate reading him a bedtime story. I do something extra with him. We have our own little "I love you" dialog and it goes something like this:

Me: "I love you"
Noah: "I love you more"
Me: "I love you the mostest"
Noah: I love you the mostest like a Hostess"
Me: "I love you to the moon"
Noah: "I love you to the moon...and back!"
Both: "And I love you FOREVER!"

It's a special little moment that he and I get to share and I love it. With every I love you, my heart melts and I fall in love with how innocent my little guy is.

Recently with the issues with my heart, when I am feeling bad, Noah will ask me how I am feeling. After a really rough day, he could tell and came over to me and grabbed my chin to lift my head and said, "Mommy, it's okay. You'll feel better".

My morning today was out of the ordinary. I woke up to Noah yelling at Josh and I to come downstairs. I had no idea he was even awake. I told him I would be down as soon as I checked on Kolsen. He continued to yell, "Mom, Dad, come downstairs." When we didn't answer him, he said "Guys, you understand my saying?" TOO FUNNY!!!!! I came downstairs to turn on the TV for Noah to get him occupied and then went up to get Kolsen, only to discover that he peed a river in his crib. So first thing, I got his bath ready, got him undressed and bathed him. What a way to start a morning! The rest of today has been pretty relaxed.

Kolsen: he is a dime a dozen. He is the most laid back baby I have ever encountered. Nothing much bothers him and he laughs at everything. I love that he is so happy go lucky. His little smile and laugh melt my heart. It is hard for me to believe that he has been in this world for 4 months now. He recently started eating baby foods. It took him a few days to get used to but now he has the hang of it.  I can't imagine my life without that little bundle of happiness.

My boys give me so much to live for and inspire me to push through. They are the best little boys in the world...and I could not ask for more!

Classic VW Car Show

I've been trying to do as much as I can with my little family prior to the big surgery. One of the things we have done lately is go to the Classic VW Car Show at Town Square shopping center on October 1st. There were so many cool VW's and I never thought in a million years that I would ever want a classic VW until I saw some of the ones that were there. There was a VW Beetle that was pink and white on the outside and the inside was just as girly. LOVED IT! Noah really enjoyed all the Beetles and buses and all the classic cars. It was nice to see his little face light up at every car we looked at.

Times, they are a changin'

Lots of things have been happening in our household lately. First and foremost, there's the issue with my pacemaker which you know by now. Josh's mother is generously coming out for a week and a half to assist with the boys so I can recover. I don't know how long recovery will be but I am grateful for the time she will be here to help. I only wish my mom could be here as well. It will be difficult not having her here but I know she will be thinking of me and praying for me, which is enough for me.

Secondly, last Saturday, we adopted a cat from the NSPCA. His name was Charlie. Unfortunately, Charlie only lasted two days in our house due to an allergic reaction that never existed before. I contacted the NSPCA this last Monday and explained the situation and was able to return him the next day. We felt horrible and Noah had the hardest time with it. So with the allergic reaction came a lot of deep cleaning because any hint of cat hair was NO BUENO!!!! After hours of cleaning, I think I finally de-allergized the house (if that is even a word). Nonetheless, I have my fingers crossed that all is sanitized and clean.

To make up for us not being able to keep the cat, I took Noah today to buy two new fish for his tank. He ended up getting a yellow barb and a zebra barb. He is so very proud of them. So now his tank consists of the two barbs, a pleco, a snail and upside-down catfish. I am hopeful they will have long lives.

Furthermore, Kolsen rolled over for the first time last week. I have video proof of his 2nd rollover (its about 1:46 in the video) and it was AMAZING!!! My baby is growing so fast....already at 15lbs., 11 oz.  It is hard to believe he is already 4 months old.

Next, I got the green light from the pediatrician for Kolsen to start solid foods. I started him off with rice cereal yesterday but he didn't want anything to do with it. I tried again this morning and he got frustrated, my guess because he didn't understand he had to swallow. My third attempt was with sweet potatoes. At first I had the same problem but then he got used to it and ate about 1/4 of the container. I guess the third time IS the charm.

As far as other changes, they are coming, albeit I don't know what they are or when they'll come but I have faith that no matter what the change, all will be as it should.