What speaks to your soul?

“What in your life is calling you? When all the noise is silenced, the meetings adjourned, the lists laid aside, and the wild iris blooms by itself in the dark forest, what still pulls on your soul? In the silence between your heartbeats hides a summons, do you hear it? Name it, if you must, or leave it forever nameless, but why pretend it is not there?” — Unknown source 

 

 

Life. Life is a series of events that teach us more than we could ever imagine. Life is not simple; it is complex. We go through the motions every day and we live, we survive, we persevere. There is something that keeps me grounded, that makes me feel peace and understand my purpose. What pulls at my soul are those with meaning and depth. I talk frequently about nature and the sky both of which pull at my soul and speak to me. The sky has meaning for me that life exists beyond our grasp, beyond our comprehension. The sky is a place that I know will always be there, never straying although always changing. The sky and nature remind me of life in which there is light, dark, greatness, peace; there is hope, beauty, fulfillment, knowledge and things unknown. How can something like that not speak to your soul?

Catching up

I have been neglecting my blog and that it was time to give an update on what has happened since my last post.

Josh and I discovered a new love for racing. We have been going to the Las Vegas Motor Speedway at almost every chance we have gotten. It is very exhilerating and loads of fun.

In March, I took the boys to the Shiloh Horse Sanctuary. It was such a nice experience and we made a friend while there: a beautiful horse that kept following us. Beautiful!

In April, we took the boys to the Clark County Fair. The boys really loved seeing the animals.

I celebrated my 30th Birthday on May 9th. It was a very scary time to hit 30, but I know more exciting things are to come in my next 30 years.

The most important thing: Kolsen celebrated his 1st birthday. It was a small party but he had a blast. He is now walking and keeping up on our toes.

In June, we took the boys to Venice Beach, CA and to the LA Zoo.

Lastly, Josh and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. We have been through a lot together these last 12 years. Through the many ups and downs, we have pushed through. We went mini golfing and had a nice dinner.

I will try to be more diligent on keeping my blog current and with more details.

I Need a Hobby...

I have come to the realization that I need a hobby. Some people like gardening, scrapbooking or even cooking. I will be turning 30 this year and realize there is nothing that I am truly passionate about. Sure, I love to Facebook, blog and spend hours on Pinterest but as far as something outside of the web, my hobbies are, well, none. Spending time with my family is certainly fulfilling but I need to find something for myself, something that I can put my spare time into (that is, when I have spare time without the munchkins). I would love to get into scrapbooking but find that it's too expensive. Besides, I would much rather make my photo books using Shutterfly. I have been checking out a lot of crafting ideas through Pinterest and have found so many neat ideas. Still, I need a passion, something that I love to do and that I can be proud of.

Perhaps a hobby will present itself in time. For now, I will continue to blog, Facebook and utilize Pinterest.

Finding the Right in a World Full of Wrong

I know I have talked a lot over the last few months about the many trials that myself and my family have faced. I know after all I have endured, I need to stand tall and stand strong, come what may.

As I reflect on what I need to do in my life to be a better woman, wife, mother, friend, sister and daughter, I first understand that I need to find peace with myself. I feel at times that my life is lacking and I know why. Not going to church will certainly make one feel that way. I neglected going for the last few months for what I thought was a good reason, that being because of my heart and the surgery. There is no good reason. What I should have done was get my butt up and ask for help in order to get me there. I don't want to be misleading but since we moved to Vegas, being active was not always on the top of our list. I, at most times, feel that moving to Vegas was the biggest mistake of my life. If we had not have moved to Vegas, we more than likely would have not gone inactive, nor would we have had the trials we have had for letting the world overcome us. I very much dislike Vegas and all of the wrong that it has brought to us, however I know the place is not entirely to blame. I found the wrong in the world and let it overtake my life and my family. I did this and now I have to fix it.

I know what the right is. I have never doubted it since I first came to know the truth and to gain a testimony. Instead of doubting it, I forgot it. I am not sure which is worse, but I imagine that both will produce the same end result: regret. I have a lot of regret and I have a lot of time to make up for.

I missed the first 2 Sundays this year but have gone the last two weeks. I can't say that it has been easy to go at it alone but I know if I stay on the path that God has laid out for me, I will be better for it. My boys need me to teach them the way and I cannot do it if all I do is wrong.

Noah is a sunbeam now and he is learning so fast. It was a hard transition for him to go from the nursery to a classroom setting but he is trying hard. His example of trying inspires me. He loves to say bedtime prayer with me and he loves to tell me after church what he learned in his class. Today he learned about choosing the right. He told me today that choosing the right meant that he needs to make good choices. WOW...WHAT A REVELATION! My soon to be 4 year old son has opened my eyes. CHOOSE THE RIGHT.....I need to find the right in this world full of wrong.

"Life's journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say, 'No,' the courage to say, 'Yes,' Decisions do determine destiny. The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. It has ever been so, and so shall it ever be." -Thomas S. Monson

A Year in Review

2011 brought a lot of ups and downs, tears and triumphs, hope and healing, love and challenges.


The year started off with me being pregnant and looking forward to and preparing for Baby #2 to arrive. Noah turned 3 years old on January 31st. Noah has grown so much and is so very smart.


Several months before having Baby #2, we starting looking at purchasing our first house in Las Vegas. We finally found a home we loved and put in an offer. Kolsen Briggs Collis was born on May 22nd. What a treat he became to our family! We actually closed on our home the day after I had Kolsen and signed our closing papers while still in the hospital. 


On July 11th, Josh and I celebrated our 11th Anniversary. So hard to believe it has been that long. After 11 years and 2 kids later, we are still keeping on!


Several months later I found out I need to have heart surgery yet again...for the 4th time! I got through it with the help of my hubby and mother-in-law, and with my boys giving me the will to get through it.


Some relationships grew, faltered and grew some more, leaving open wounds and lots of scars, but all the while bringing insight to the core of those relationships.


2011 brought several new journeys, taught valuable lessons and gave me so much to appreciate. I am hoping 2012 does the same.

Reflection

While watching yesterday's IndyCar race, we saw a horrible crash which took the life of one driver, Dan Wheldon. He left behind his wife and two sons, 2 year old Sebastian and 7 month old Oliver. It was so very sad to see the events unfold. Such a tragedy makes one reflect on their own life and serves as a reminder that life is short and precious.

With my surgery coming up in about 10 days, it made me reflect on my life and how quickly life can be taken in an instant. Since I have had children, I've always worried "what if something happened to me?" This worry only just intensified with yesterday's event. I hope and pray everything goes well with surgery so I can continue to cherish precious moments with my children and family.

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." ~Abraham Lincoln

Times, they are a changin'

Lots of things have been happening in our household lately. First and foremost, there's the issue with my pacemaker which you know by now. Josh's mother is generously coming out for a week and a half to assist with the boys so I can recover. I don't know how long recovery will be but I am grateful for the time she will be here to help. I only wish my mom could be here as well. It will be difficult not having her here but I know she will be thinking of me and praying for me, which is enough for me.

Secondly, last Saturday, we adopted a cat from the NSPCA. His name was Charlie. Unfortunately, Charlie only lasted two days in our house due to an allergic reaction that never existed before. I contacted the NSPCA this last Monday and explained the situation and was able to return him the next day. We felt horrible and Noah had the hardest time with it. So with the allergic reaction came a lot of deep cleaning because any hint of cat hair was NO BUENO!!!! After hours of cleaning, I think I finally de-allergized the house (if that is even a word). Nonetheless, I have my fingers crossed that all is sanitized and clean.

To make up for us not being able to keep the cat, I took Noah today to buy two new fish for his tank. He ended up getting a yellow barb and a zebra barb. He is so very proud of them. So now his tank consists of the two barbs, a pleco, a snail and upside-down catfish. I am hopeful they will have long lives.

Furthermore, Kolsen rolled over for the first time last week. I have video proof of his 2nd rollover (its about 1:46 in the video) and it was AMAZING!!! My baby is growing so fast....already at 15lbs., 11 oz.  It is hard to believe he is already 4 months old.

Next, I got the green light from the pediatrician for Kolsen to start solid foods. I started him off with rice cereal yesterday but he didn't want anything to do with it. I tried again this morning and he got frustrated, my guess because he didn't understand he had to swallow. My third attempt was with sweet potatoes. At first I had the same problem but then he got used to it and ate about 1/4 of the container. I guess the third time IS the charm.

As far as other changes, they are coming, albeit I don't know what they are or when they'll come but I have faith that no matter what the change, all will be as it should.

All is well....all is well.

Kolsen had his cardiology appointment today and the verdict is......ALL IS WELL! His heart murmur is a normal murmur for infants so no worries whatsoever. So thankful that Kolsen doesn't have to endure what I endure regularly.

On a much larger note, I am taking things one day at a time and hoping for the best. While most do not know what I'm talking about, just know that for now, I'm okay.